Overcoming My Jiu-Jitsu Trauma and Asking The Right Questions

Today I got to try out a little bit of ground game stuff. Kinda jiu jitsu, let’s call it that. I was shown the gillotine choke (?) and even though I know practically nothing about what I should do on the ground, it was fun. I have had a HUGE trauma after my teenage years when I was basically forced to try a little bit of jiu jitsu and I was SO not ready for it, it was overwhelming and I failed at it so bad, it shuttered all my athletic confidence at that time. Probably, it was not the right time for me to do it then and I was in the wrong enviroment. Add to it, that I can’t stand to do more than 3 rolls (sommersaults?) at one take, so basically rolling over my head is the worst kind of excersice for me (imagine the weight I have to shoulder, it’s close to 200 pounds!!).

Yeah, apart from all the trauma and fear that I suck on the ground, today’s experience was actually pretty fun!! 🙂 🙂 I really want to try it again. I’m thinking of checking out some BJJ class… for now only thinking, getting myself into the right mindset. 😉

I’m in a kinda Ronda Rousey-craze right now, so after I finished reading her book I got back to watching The Ultimate Fighter season 18. I can clearly see how superficial the editing of the footage is, but I’m looking forward to seeing how she managed her team.

My diet is non-existent for the last two weeks, I just can’t find anything that will motivate me stronly enough to do something with it. It seems that apart from my many allergies, I’m also kind of allergic to milk, as I realised I feel better without diary products, so I basically had to cut out 2/3 of my dishes, as they were mostly based on milk, cottage cheese, yoghurts…I have no idea how I should change my diet in a way that will keep my makro levels right. And calories. Aaarrrghh…it sucks so bad to have food allergies!!!!

* * *

My family nags me a lot by asking me to define my goal for the future, to decide on a path I walk down for the rest of my life – job wise and professionally wise. I’m 29, finished 2 faculties with M.A. degrees a few years back, but I got a job in a totally unrelated field of expertise than my academic degrees which I’m happy with.

A few days ago I was again questioned about what I want to do in the future. I made a point, that I have my priorities that I follow (Muay Thai is actually in the top 3).

And here it comes, the question came up: “Do you plan a career in that field?” – meaning Muay Thai.

And I responded like I always did: “Definitely not. There’s just no freaking way to do it for me”.

Just seconds after saying that out loud, I thought to myself “Why not? Why not me?”. And it bugs me… Just hypothetically speaking, why can’t I try to make a career out of fighting? I always disregarded this idea because of my age, my weight, my (lack of) skills….

Now I start to think – What would I have to do to become a fighter?

I suddenly discovered that deep down there in me, there’s this feeling that I want to prove to the world, that I can achieve something. That I’m not just the “fat girl”…I really want to find a way to channel this kind of thinking and this kind of energy into something. I’m not sure yet what it is, what will do for me. I don’t know if the answer is: “Loose weight and try to get fights” – I don’t know, because it’s the way that everyone would take. I’m a rebel, I want to do it my way. I just need to define what is the way.

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