Feeling a bit lost and lonely

I’m feeling lost at the moment.
I had this great plan for a new adventure in new gyms, but reality made me recalculate those plans. I had to cut on the gas-costs for my car, so I chose to train with my old gym-mates at the new gym we were being moved to, because it’s not so far away than the other one.
I still don’t feel right there, but it’s better than no training. And I’m there for myself, if I put the effort in, it will be worth it. But I feel like I don’t put enough effort into it anymore.

I also realised that training with 2 different trainers is already hard and in my plannned out schedule I would have 3 trainers. Not the brightest idea I concluded.

It’s been three weeks since the change and I feel stuck. I feel lost, like I don’t have a place where I belong, people I belong to. I miss the old times, with going out on a friday night or just spending a lazy sunday afternoon after training at a cafe. It seems ages and miles away. I feel lonely even if I’m around people, I have lost my strive for learning something new, training hard and seeing results. It might also be the moment which I already wrote about – it’s just not the “up” time now for me, it’s the “down” time on the learning-curve.

I made a small step to overcome this phase though.

I decided I will join a training camp which is organized by the other gym I recently started training at and on one hand, I’m looking forward to training hard and meeting new people who share my passion for muay thai. On the other hand I’m scared I won’t fit in. I’m a really shy but also very strong-minded person and I usually can’t make friends easily… So this is the scary part. Oh and that I won’t be able to keep up. My weight started to bother me again, I look in the mirror and see this fatty person who seems to be myself, but I don’t really recognize myself in the body I see in the mirror.
I know I’m trying, but maybe not hard enough to loose weight and be in better shape. Everything I do seems useless and then I’m starting to feel even worse about myself instead of motivating myself to train…

As a reminder, this is what I plan to “achieve” this week:
Give 110% in training
Squeze in a run during the week
Run on the weekend two times 5km
Go to the pool on the weekend once

Try to eat clean and healthy!!!


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