It’s been 3 months since I’m sick all the time and can’t work out.
Now I have sinus infection and I finished taking antibiotics yesterday…but I still feel the infection.
In the meantime, my Grandpa got sick and was staying at the hospital, getting worse and worse and he was finally brought into a elderly care home on Thursday. Because I was sick I couldn’t visit him at the hospital, so when I went to the care home on Thursday when he was brought there, it was me seing him for the first time in 2 weeks and his condition was tragic. When I last talked to him we were talking, now I was glad he recognized me and could exchange a few coherent sentences with me. I helped out the caretakers that evening, talking to him, feeding him and just keeping him company. On the next day, Friday, I visited after my work again, again helping the caretakers feed him and giving him water. But I’m not sure if he recognized me and was looking awfully worse then the day before.
The next morning I got a call from my parents that he passed away at sunrise. The funeral’s tomorrow and I am sad. But at the same time, I feel relief. He was really suffering and he was aware of it and aware of the fact that his body is not doing what he wants it to do. It was breaking my heart seeing him like this and knowing he will suffer for who knows how long… So I was not surprised by the call…I was the last person from our family who visited him before his passing.
The funeral will be really hard to deal with for me, because I get anxious when I have to be in an unfamiliar situation where a lot of people will watch and scrutinize me. It’s not helping that the funeral will be catholic and I don’t really like this kind of spiritual religous athmosphere. I will endure it for my mom’s sake, because I belive the whole ceremony around a funeral is to make the people who are still alive feel better about themselves.
Apart from the last few weeks being stresfull because of my Grandpa’s illness and me being still sick, I gained even more weight.
I don’t fit into my Muay Thai shorts anymore. This was a kind of wake-up call…so I tried watching my calories intake and I stopped eating sweets for 3 weeks. I managed to lose 5kg, which is A LOT. But since Monday I’m binge-eating again. I’m an emotional eater and I think I need to calm the stress now, but I’m really disapointed in myself. I’m guessing I re-gained 2kg again 😦
I hope I will be healthy in a week or two…When I am healthy again, I plan to focus on losing weight and bulding my cardio back up, before I go back to training. So basically doing cardio on the threadmill and elliptical + HIIT training after I build myself up a bit again. After that, I’ll add a bit of strength training.
I wonder if I should start working with a nutritionist and focus on my weightloss before I go back to training Muay Thai? Because it seems I am unable to do both at the same time…and I think a change of pace will help me find my love and focus for Muay Thai again, because now I have anxiety issues that I suck at Muay Thai and that I’m an eyesore in class and that I should just close myself at home an never go outside.
Yeah, being sick doesn’t help my social awkwardness…
Sorry for the unmotivated entry, but that’s how life is at the moment for me. I just want to be healthy again.