I’m on a break from Muay Thai since November. Yeah, it’s been over half a year. When I put it like that I can’t belive it.
I miss it badly, but at the same time I feel as if I don’t really have a place to go back to. I will be starting off again from the beginning.
And that’s okay.
If you wonder what I’ve been up to since my last post, at first I was sick. Then started to get a little bit better and I keep it that way until now. Oh and I got a new tattoo and my mom is not talking to me anymore (I am an adult and I live on my own, for the record).
I started working with a nutricionist and training coach, so I got a meal plan and strenght plan, which I’m sticking to since about a month.
I can’t say I have immediate huge results, but it’s better then nothing. I lost like 3kg in this month. Someone else could probably lose 10kg, but I’m me. I have my own health issues and my body needs to adjust to everything.
For now, my training plan consists of 2 – 3 HIIT workouts a week and 2 split strength training a week, followed by 30 minutes of cardio.
I’m trying real hard to add the short morning interval workouts, but it’s just impossible until now…
I plan to do at least 2 this week, let’s hope I will succeed!
So yeah, I’m still far away from any real weightloss achievements, the progress is really slow, but I feel better physically.
I started lifting weights and it’s really fun to see that I can lift more then 2 weeks ago. The progress in this area is huge!
I also noticed that when I mess up my eating hours, I tend to fall off the track in the evening and just feel weak and bloated.
It’s amazing to finally be fine-tuning myself to my own body.
Today I heard a great thing in Sylvie von Duuglas-Ittu’s vlog: it’s not setting your goals and trying to achieve them what makes you really achieve them. It’s imagining what it feels like to accomplish that goal. We do things based on what we want to feel – or what we don’t want to feel.
In my case, I want to lose weight. I need to imagine how great it feels to stand on the scale and see the numbers going down. How empowering it feels to lift more, do more push-ups, crunches, burpees or run for more then 10 minutes. How I like the feeling of my tummy becoming flatter. How I love the feeling of putting on clothes that magically fit me nicely.
On the other hand, I’m still aware of the things that I DON’T want to feel. I don’t want to feel like I’m deprived of some kind of food, because it’s over my calories limit. I don’t want to feel like I’m the only person that’s constantly on a diet and has to say “no thanks” to cake and sweets on every social outing. I don’t want to feel like the heaviest in the group, which makes me avoid people.
So, there’s a lot of things I have to work on, but I really belive it will all come together and that I’m on the right path. I really think so. I don’t want to give up.
As far as Muay Thai training goes…yeah, I feel a bit lost, discouraged and unmotivated, because I clearly see that the Muay Thai I can learn here is nothing like the Muay Thai in Thailand…and not really having a gym or gym-mates waiting for me to come back is also very depressing. I’m often thinking about a solution to this, but I’m just going in circles. I want to do a lot of things, but to get it I have to sacrifice something else. I already sacrificed a lot of my social life and the idea of having a family, and I feel that pursuing what I feel I want to do will make sacrifice even more and I really don’t have much more to sacrifice. I need to have a job, I need to have a stable income, coz I provide for myself on my own. I also want to workout and do something fun from time to time, because what’s life for if you don’t have fun. And it’s a lot more fun if you have friends to do it with you. And if I sacrifice my social life, I end up having no friends to hang out with. I feel right now as if my life is focused on work and trying to get by with the money I make. I can’t even plan my next trip to Thailand, because I just don’t have enough money to put aside and save up for it. It SUCKS. And is depressing.
I feel as if I’m floating between depression and dreams all the time lately.